There will be different aspects that attracted us to each other. Respect, however, goes deeper than mere attraction.

Do I respect this person’s character? We discover someone’s character by seeing the way they relate to others: how they treat older people, younger people, their family, their peers, those from a different background, culture or race. Do they show compassion, courage, perseverance, patience, consistency and any other qualities we value highly? They may be stunningly good looking, have a high powered job, be a brilliant cook or an outstanding athlete, but are they kind? (If in doubt, watch the way they treat their mother.)

Do I respect their judgement? What about the decisions they make, big or little, about career, money or family?

Are we compatible in our core beliefs and values? It would be unwise to marry someone with strongly opposing views on those things we hold most dear.

For example, do we agree on matters of faith, ethical issues, education, children? To find out that our partner does not want children can be a very painful discovery with implications for the rest of our life.

If you are a Christian, the Bible’s injunction not to ‘be yoked with an unbeliever’ (2 Corinthians 6:14) is important advice for those considering marriage. Does this person want to follow and serve God wholeheartedly in every aspect of their life? Does he or she look to God as the one who has a plan and purpose for their life (and therefore for your life together)?

Can I say to myself, ‘I would be proud to be attached to this person’? A telling question to ask is, ‘Would I like this person to be the mother or father of my child?’

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