Some people can answer yes to all seven tests, yet struggle to make the commitment of marriage because in their past someone they trusted let them down. Their parents’ marriage may have been abusive; their father or mother may have left the family home when they were at an impressionable age; they may have suffered through the breakdown of a previous relationship that they had hoped would last for life. 
 
The first step in overcoming a fear of commitment is to recognise its source. Talking about it with a trusted friend, church leader or counsellor helps. (It is generally better to discuss doubts about our relationship with someone other than our partner.)   

The second step is to forgive those who have hurt us. When forgiveness is an on-going decision process each time the pain, anger or disappointment resurfaces, gradually the memories have less and less hold on us. For many, however, their fear of commitment is ultimately resolved only through knowing the faithfulness of their partner, through growing in trust, and through experiencing at first hand a loving marriage.   

We have happily married friends who could have answered yes to all seven tests but on their wedding day were still wrestling with hesitation and doubts. It takes courage to tie the knot and to say words that will affect the rest of our lives.

We know others who have been brave enough to break off an engagement within a few weeks or even days of their wedding. Some have subsequently got married to someone else; others have remained single. They have not regretted their decision.

Better by far to be single and independent, using our freedom to serve God and to reach our full potential in him, developing many friendships along the way, than to suffer the consequences of an ill-chosen husband or wife.

If you make the decision to go ahead or are already engaged, we recommend you prepare for your marriage by doing The Marriage Preparation Course, which is now being run in many different locations.

Engagement, with all the busyness of organising a wedding, can feel like entering a whirlwind of planning and activity. The course provides the opportunity to focus on your marriage and to build strong foundations for the future. While based on Christian principles, the five sessions are very practical and are suitable for any engaged couple, whether or not they are Christians themselves. Some couples who are not engaged do the course as a way of exploring further what is involved in getting married.

Marriages must constantly be nurtured and so we also run The Marriage Course, which we recommend couples attend two years or so into their marriage.

© Alpha New Zealand
11 Marewa Road, Greenlane, Auckland
P 09 522 1360 F 09 522 1361 E office@alpha.org.nz